I was a HUGE fan of Saturday Night Live back in my early teens. Here’s the script from a classic SNL “documentary”. I’ve highlighted the line that I still use at least once a week.<\/p>\n
[b]Lifestyles of the Relatives of the Rich and Famous on SNL[\/b]<\/p>\n
[i]with
\nRobin Leach…..Harry Shearer
\nNelson Hepburn…..Martin Short (as Katherine Hepburn’s nephew)
\nAnthony Haden-Callas…..Christopher Guest[\/i]<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach V\/O:[\/b] This week, meet the distant cousin of a famous actress. He talks about their relationship, and his career, this week on “Lifestyles of the Relatives of the Rich and Famous”.<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach:[\/b] I’m celebrity interviewer, Robin Leach.<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach V\/O:[\/b] Central Park. New York’s tree-lined melting pot. At a prime location halfway between the zoo and Dick Buttons’ favorite bush, sits the hot dog stand owned by Katherine Hepburn’s maternal third cousin, Nelson. We caught up with him recently.<\/p>\n
[i](cut to Nelson Hepburn working a customer)[\/i]<\/p>\n
[b]Nelson Hepburn:[\/b] That’s one dog, thank you. Come again, and don’t gobble that!<\/p>\n
[i](cut to Nelson Hepburn being interviewed)[\/i]<\/p>\n
[b]Nelson Hepburn:[\/b] For many years, Dom DeLuise would stop by. One time, he was famished and in a hurry, he said, “I’ll have four to go.” And he gobbled one down, not waiting, and it got choking in his throat! I ran behind him, I gave him the Heimlich, hit him in the stomach, and it popped out, fell into the water, I resold it, no one was the wiser..<\/p>\n
One time, Cher Bono stopped by. She was having a huge jumbo burger, and she spit it out mid-chew and hit me right in the face. At first, I was thrown, and she said, “I just remembered – I’m a vegeterian!”<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach V\/O:[\/b] Business is good these days for Nelson, but all is not rosy between him and his famous relative.<\/p>\n
[b]Nelson Hepburn:[\/b] We don’t communicate at all. Never did. I tried, through letter, through phone calls, anonymous sometimes, and she’d hang up. One time, she stopped by here, and I said, “Kate, don’t you know me?” [b][i]And she just looked at me and she said, “More mustard, please!” And walked away![\/i][\/b] I’m taking Sunday, Sunday’s mine, it always was. And I get up around 4:30 or 5:00, and then, I-I-I-I-I read the paper, I have a huge bowl of bran. For the next three hours, I’m indisposed, and then I phone friends. Before I know it, it’s time to put out weiners, and then it’s dawn, it’s a new day.<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach V\/O:[\/b] And, when the saurkraut has been applied to the last steaming weiner, sometimes as late as 9PM, Nelson Hepburn leaves for home in his 1978 Plymouth Valiant.<\/p>\n
[b]Nelson Hepburn:[\/b] Oh, the future. What a frightening prospect. I don’t know. I imagine I’ll be here, saying to someone like you, “Do you want mustard, or are you a saurkraut man?” Are you the type to say, “Just give me a weiner, hold the bun”, or do you want soda? I imagine I’ll say, “Whatever you want, give me the money and it’s yours.” Because that’s my job.<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach V\/O:[\/b] Next week, we talk to the English professor who’s a nephew of comedian Charlie Callas.<\/p>\n
[b]Anthony Haden-Callas:[\/b] I don’t think people have the time to.. [ barks, then begins to jump around like a duck ]<\/p>\n
[b]Robin Leach V\/O:[\/b] Next week, on the “Lifestyles of the Relatives of the Rich and Famous”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was a HUGE fan of Saturday Night Live back in my early teens. Here’s the script from a classic SNL “documentary”. I’ve highlighted the line that I still use at least once a week. [b]Lifestyles of the Relatives of … Continue reading